Joy is a weapon

It's amazing that God chose me as His own. He did this not because I deserve it, or because of something I did. But because of His sovereign Grace and Mercy. The JOY He gives us, His children, is remarkable. 

For so many years I chased reckless sources, ultimately seeking Joy but always coming up short. These chases always left me emptier than when I began. Reading, A Woman's Walk with God, I began reflecting on all of those things I chased. I thought about past seasons of my life where I was joyless. The author, Elizabeth George (http://www.elizabethgeorge.com/),  reminds the reader of five sources of Joy:

• God Himself (Psalm 43:4)-turn to Him and receive it.
• God's salvation (Isaiah 61:10)-reflecting on Christ's death, burial, and resurrection and what we receive as a result.
  
• God's promises(2 Corinthians 1;3-4)- life giving, bury these in your heart.
• Christ's kingdom (Acts 15:3)- changed lives= Joy
• Our future in Christ (Psalm 16:11)-no pain ; pure joy!

After reading and learning from this passage I began to reflect and ask myself if I always have this Joy the author speaks of? Heck no! was my answer--but that is because I take my focus off of God and onto the circumstances around me, which is easy to do as we live in this flesh of ours. What's important is where I chose to refocus my thoughts (Phil. 4:8, Galatians 5:22-23), thanks to the Holy Spirit for helping me to refocus on the right things--God's truth.

Here's a good example from my own life. Last week I woke up with a Joy that bubbled over with a song. Literally. On my way to work I had some worship music on (as usual) and was belting out the words--there was so much conviction behind the words, I could feel it running through my veins. As I walked into work I remember thinking, man, what am I so happy about? Then it hit me. This wasn't happiness, but the joy of the Lord. 

Well, this story takes a turn. As I signed into work I said good morning to my co-workers, they responded not quite as joyful as I. Because of their grumpy responses, I remember feeling as though someone burst my bubble so-to-speak. I proceeded to my assignment and looked around for my plans, but I found that someone had "dropped the ball" in preparing what I needed to work. I couldn't find the things I needed...

Here we go I thought. As I began getting worked up and bent out of shape, it hit me. Ten minutes ago I was in my car, bubbling over with the Joy of the Lord! Because of what He has done for me! Am I going to let grumpy, unprepared co-workers steal my joy?! How deep is my Joy to begin with if they can easily steal it? This dialogue with myself, which I believe was prompted by the Holy Spirit, was a rude awakening! I knew I had a choice before me. Choose JOY. I heard ringing in my ears and heart (Thanks to the Holy Spirit and you Pastor Rick ;)).

Within moments my focus started shifting--away from the grouchy people, away from the stress and chaos that lay ahead for my day, because of unpreparedness, to eternal things. I thought how do these circumstances effect my eternal life? I asked myself. They don't. What mattered at that moment, was focusing on the fact that Christ was in me, He saved me from the pit, He holds my future in His hands; He is my portion and strength forever. He was capable of equipping me to get through this day productively, because He is able. The choice to choose JOY would effect the whole mood in the room on that day as the students began to pour in. For their sake, my sake, and HIS sake, I chose JOY. Were things exactly the way I wanted them? NO! But with God's help, I could make the most of it.

Did the rest of my day bring smooth sailing? Far from it. Fumbling through grammar pages, vocabulary and Math...we got things done. BUT the kids and I had a pleasant, joy-filled day.

When bombarded with circumstances beyond your control--choose JOY. Easier said than done? Yep!! But with prayer and supplication God will prepare you for those moments, kinda like a warrior trains for battle. 

Even though God does the equipping, we have a choice where to focus our minds. When faced with opposition and stressful encounters, choose JOY. When driving in the car and you find yourself stuck behind a slow-poke from Nantucket, choose JOY.

After all, when we do choose JOY, others will see His glory exuding from our lives, and we will be a light in the darkness. Salt and light. A city on a hill.

Divine Romance...Continued...

If you haven't read my blog entry titled "Divine Romance", this is the continuation of that, just so you know. You can find the link here on my blog sight.

One of the scriptures God kept showing me the most during the 7 weeks of dates with Jesus was Isaiah 62:5. Its states, As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you. 
At first thought, it was hard to believe that the God of the universe would rejoice over me. Yet as I continued to meditate on that truth and ask God to open the eyes of my heart, my thinking began to shift. If His Word says it, it must be true. I chose to believe. I began to believe it the more I meditated on it over time, eventually I felt more loved and cherished that I ever really had.

Embarking on a romance with God was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I let Him in and I chose to let His Word be considered as truth. God began to heal my wounded heart and fill me with His incredible, powerful love.

In 2 Corinthians 5:15 it says, Those who lived should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. I remember trying to do this--to live for God, to make Him happy, to do the right things. For me it was religion; performance-based. But I continued to fail and get discouraged. I realized I couldn't do it in my own strength ( A LONG and difficult journey to realize this truth..). I am a firm believer, as a teacher, that often some of the greatest mistakes we make, teach us the most profound lessons.  
How can I live for you God? I would ask. It wasn't until I really let Him in to love me and to heal the wounds and scars of my heart ( those deepest/darkest rooms of my heart where I was broken and afraid), that I felt inclined to love Him back. Knowing the power of His Love, and recognizing why He died for me as He restored me, caused me to desire living my life for Him. It was the least I could do.

After this intense journey I have been on with God, I consider myself married to Him. He is my bridegroom. Am I tempted to throw that away at times and take some detours, compromising my beliefs and expectations? Oh yeah! I'm human--look around at this world we live in. There are often times that are more difficult than others, in regards to my singleness and temptations. But I have realized those are times that I have to guard my heart, bask in God's truths and talk to other believers about my struggles. Sometimes guarding your heart is a battle, but it is a battle worth fighting for (YouTube Chris August's Battle...so appropriate here).

2 Corinthians 5:9 states  So we make our goal to please Him. This is the focus of my life. Some people question me, you really believe living for something other than yourself, your desires and feelings, is worth it? "OH yeah!" is my response, without hesitation.  I lived long enough for myself to know, that kind of life is not the road to eternal life, it is not even the road to Joy. It leaves you empty, unfulfilled and chasing valid needs in all the wrong places. It's lose-lose. I was a mess. For those of you reading this, and know my testimony, you know where I have been , and what God has brought me out of. It's a miracle I am living the way I am.  I give all the honor to Him! Since leaving the old life it has not always been easy and exciting to live for Christ. Sometimes it took everything in me: blood, sweat, and tears, to really live for Him. But it takes time, to allow the Holy Spirit to lead through healing, restoration, and community. The perseverance is well worth it. Even when we don't see it at the time of the struggles.

The more we welcome Christ into those dark areas of our souls, the more complete we will be in Him. First we have to give Him the freedom  to come in, to break the chains that bind us, to restore us. This is honestly one of my favorite things about God: that He waits for us to invite Him in. He does not force His way. He loves us that much.

As I leave you now, my prayer is that you too would view your relationship with God as a sacred marriage. A bond like no other. Value it, treasure it, and do your best to fight for it, no matter what the world may tell you.

Divine Romance

When people talk about marriage, most of the time it;s as though I am instantly gone on a daydream of what my marriage will be like someday...and it takes a minute to get back...
The times when I am not daydreaming at the sound of that word [marriage] I instantly think of my commitment to God, as a sacred marriage; the covenant I find myself in, ever since I called out to Jesus to be the Prince of my heart.

I was reading Gary Thomas', Sacred Marriage, and I found myself in the chapter titled, "Finding God in Marriage," and really gleaned a lot about the single life from this. Let me explain.

In this chapter, Thomas explores how various analogies use the experience of marriage to teach us valuable truths about the nature of God. Through the experience of being married, we can come to know God in new ways. Brilliant.

In the book of Hosea (www.biblegateway.com : search for "Hosea"--well worth the read!!),
the underlying message shows that:
      God views his people as a husband views his wife: 'In that day', declares the Lord, 'you will call me my husband, you will no longer call me my master...I will betroth you to me forever' (Hosea 2:16,19a.). God wants us to relate to Him with an obedience fueled by love and intimacy, not by self-motivated fear and with a loyalty to a divine human relationship, not a blind adherence to 'principles'. A husband harbors a passion toward his wife that is absent in a master toward his slave.

This speaks to me as a single person, which I don't think the author was intending for. BUT, I really feel like God was speaking loud and clear to me. It got me thinking. My singleness has its ups and downs, I think most in my position would vouch for that. Rewinding the clock to just over a year ago, I came to a place in my singleness where the longing for a mate became almost too much to bear. I felt I had no other choice BUT to wait...lol...finally giving up the reigns to the Big Guy upstairs. I chose to lay it down at God's feet, on the altar, kicking and screaming actually. Even though it was a choice, it wasn't easy. I knew He knew best, but it wasn't easy admitting that. After all, that battle between flesh and spirit can be brutal sometimes! It was through a series of events and divine encounters that the Holy Spirit revealed to me that surrendering all of this was best for me. I obeyed and pleaded with God to take the obsession with finding a mate, away from me. After all, isn't the guy supposed to find me? But of course, that could be a whole other discussion for another time!

Being the faithful God that He is, He gladly took the obsession from me. The Holy Spirit comforted me in the grief and tears shed over the "hole" I felt a significant other should be filling. I love that not only God takes things from us when they are not good for us, but also fills that void with a Holy, healthy comfort that only He can.

Over the next couple of weeks I found myself picking up that very thing I surrendered, time and time again.

Didn't see that coming? Come on now, I am only human.

God in all His graciousness was PATIENT with me (why do I capitalize patient? Because that is one of the characteristics I value the most about our heavenly father). He kept meeting me there, each time, in my surrender of my obsession with finding a mate.

Through the next couple of weeks God led me to a sacred place of meeting with His Son on a weekly basis. "Dates with Jesus", was how I categorized that time. I went so far as marking it on my calendar and scheduling the time, one date a week being the minimum. There were some weeks where I found myself at home, without my roommates, and would go into the prayer room (our spare room) and have a sporadic date with Jesus. Those were often the best! Some of you that may be reading this remember this time, and me sharing some things with you about it. I appreciate your encouragement during that time :)

 For those of you who are thinking this idea is strange, let's take a minute to describe these dates. Sometimes the date would be in a public setting, IE- Tim Horton's, at a 2 person table, in a quiet corner. I would bring my bible, a notebook, and a heart of expectation.

This whole idea was inspired by the Holy Spirit, so each time I felt the sacredness of it, kinda like an autumn wind sweeping in, and truth be told, it was one of the most exciting times of my life. Seriously.

 I would look up scriptures about "love" and God would show up.  He was speaking directly to me through the scriptures, and each time I would journal it. The promises He was making, the way He felt about me, etc... Other times the date would be at our dining room table, living room, or down by the river.

To start I would enter into a time a prayer and thank God for His love for me, His longing for me, and for the time set before me. I LOVE that every time He showed up. I was valuable enough to Him to always show up. I LOVED IT!!

I have a notebook full of scriptures that came alive in my heart through those most precious times, many of the scriptures were from Psalms and Song of Songs. During this experience God laid it on my heart to do this for 7 weeks. During which time, I was so serious about this time being devoted to the Lord, I wore my mom's old engagement ring. It kept guys at a distance and my heart and mind set on Christ. It even prompted questions from others, giving me an opportunity to explain my heart was devoted to God for a season (which always made me really nervous to tell others, especially non-Christians). I felt an act of obedience by sharing with others in those moments. I wasn't ashamed. Even if I did get some strange looks!

 Sometimes I would just stare down at that diamond when the light would hit it, and be reminded of the glorious love He had for me. It would often take my breath away. Not the diamond, His love.

Each time I would meet with Jesus, I would glean an underlying truth that rang true to both my relationship with Him, Bride to Bridegroom, but also to an earthly husband. I have a whole list of truths He showed me. I pray over it as He prepares my heart (and my to-be husband's heart) for one another. Marriage was a key theme during those 7 weeks spent with Jesus.

If you are interested in hearing more about that special time and maybe are feeling prompted to do something similar, I would encourage you to email me (maribethferry@gmail.com). There were several books, by Christian authors that God brought into my life at that time, through different circumstances that I would love to suggest :

• Sacred Singleness
• Captivating
• Falling in Love with Jesus
• Lady in Waiting
• Hiding from Love

During that time there were distractions and opposition--which of course is a part of life, as we set out on our journey of seeking God with our hearts. Satan will always try to steer us down another road, usually in subtle ways. I am grateful for a woman name Lynda, who spoke truth to me during that time, helping me to keep my eyes on Him. She reminded me of the story of Abraham, laying down his son Isaac, as a sacrifice to God. Yet it was painful and he did not fully understand, he trusted God more that his confusion, reasoning, and fleshly desire. That is what God has been teaching me through this whole experience: to lay down my desire for a man, and trust God to do His will in my life in this specific area.
Most of us know how that story (with Abraham) ends. Isaac is given back to Abraham, in tact, unharmed. In the end, the Lord knew Abraham's heart for God, and Abraham, I am sure, developed a deeper faith while trusting God. I feel this happening in my own heart.
I haven't received my "Isaac" in the form of a mate, but I have received a deeper understanding of God's love for me. A deeper fulfillment that ONLY God can fill me with. He is my portion, my strength, my redeemer, and my Bridegroom. The prince of my heart.

to be continued...

Love

Love is an act of the will

" Love is a feeling of the mind as much as of the heart; it concerns the will as much as the emotions. It describes the deliberate effort -- which we can make only with the help of God.
Christian Love, you see, is an act of the will which needs to be directly cultivated. " Author Elizabeth George.

As I read this excerpt above this morning, from her book, A Woman's Walk with God, I thought about how difficult this is at times ; to willingly love. Specifically, toward those that are not very nice, or the hardest to Love. The whole chapter I read challenges the reader to evaluate those in their lives who are the hardest and easiest to love, and to ask ourselves how are we treating them? How are we doing loving them?

 I find myself specifically challenged with this in regards to my students.

Because of the nature of my job,  filling in for teachers while they are away, I face constant challenges day in and day out. You can imagine the resistance I face from these kids.

 It is so easy to be "nice" to the students who are saying thank you, and minding their Ps and Qs so-to-speak. It is difficult to "love" the kids that are challenging my patience. Of course, this is the flesh resisting the spirit when I find these difficulties. I had a specific situation this past Monday that relates to all of this. 

 I had not taught this class yet this year, but have taught the majority of the kids in years passed. There was one child in particular that holds a special place in my heart. I sense the feeling is mutual, as he as expressed his admiration for me many times in the past. Anyway, he was REALLY acting up throughout the afternoon, and as much as I care for this kid, as much as I wanted to be super pleasant with him, enough was enough.

When I disciplined him by having him sit out from the game at the end of the day, I felt a bit of resistance in my spirit. "How can I keep this kid from the 'fun' that the others will engage in, if I care for this kid so much?" I asked myself. BUT I had a stronger sense that this is what needed to be done.

Sometimes love comes in many forms, not just smiling, and hugging, and telling one another we love each other. But setting boundaries, holding one another accountable, and expressing our feelings when wise and appropriate.

So, what happened with the kid you ask? I told him to "sit this one out", and he said, "yeah, I probably deserve that." I didn't yell, or give him a dirty look, or anything nasty of the like.
So, even though I didn't give him what he wanted, somewhere deep inside, I know I showed him Love. And I have a feeling he knows that.

It is only through God's Holy Spirit that I didn't yell, give into my flesh and ignore the behaviour because of how much I like the kid.

Now, is this they way I have always responded in the past? NO, HECK NO! This girl is a work in progress. And the more I spend time with God and bask in His Love, the more that Love flows out of me. I have made mistakes in the past where I act nasty toward the kid that is challenging me on that particular day. Where I have said things I regret, or simply ignored behavior because it is easier to do that. But God continues to show me that in these situations there was room for improvement. And even now, I know there still is. There's always the challenges I face tomorrow when I re-enter the classroom. Will I show Love?
As long as I look to God to equip me!